Ten years ago, in transit to the Edo State Library, Nigeria, i met an interesting lady who was talking to another lady about feminist issues, about social ideologies surrounding gender equality, and how women should be regarded in society.
Seeing that i removed my iPod to listen in on what they were talking about, they both looked in my direction and spoke to me: "What do you think?"
I smiled and i said to them: "Sorry, but what exactly are you ladies talking about?" She replied: "We are talking about the current trend of female politicians not being regarded in society. We are also talking about how housemaids are on the rise, while their male counterparts are on the decline. Also, the female sports football team just won the African cup of nations, and they demand equal payment with the male sports team - it's only proper that they be paid equally."
I looked around and gauged my audience. They consisted of an evenly distributed group of males & females, so in my mind, i said to myself, "choose thy words carefully bub". I spoke to them: "In all fairness, women should be treated way better than they are treated now, especially the girl child. Also, a woman should not take the place of a man, and i'm not saying she can't, but i'm saying a woman is capable in more ways than one; so she doesn't need to prove her capabilities to anyone."
As i finished talking, some of the guys in the bus started shouting: "A woman should know her place", "Women should be seen and not heard", and "If you can't handle a woman, then you are not a real man".
I looked at them bewildered, and asked them: "Did you listen to what i said at all? If you did you will notice i said that i said a woman is capable, in many, many ways. Why should housemaids exist and houseboys wont? Why are female politicians not recognized? Is there any law that says women can't partake in politics??"
Immediately i said all that, all the girls applauded and shouted "he is right!" The guys were muttering in pidgin English: "this guy na ladies man, he no sabi anything at all".
I smiled and said: "Ladies, recall i also said that a woman should not take the place of a man". The guys this time roared their approval, and i laughed. The lady who earlier asked me the question said: "Why do you say so?"
I said: "There are things that a lady can do and do better than a man, and there are things a man can do and do better than a lady. A woman can join the army, airforce or the navy, but she can't be a combatant. She can't handle an M16 grenadier rifle, because of the recoil of the weapon. A woman can join the air force as a pilot, but she can't fly an X5 built for warfare. Do you dig? The training is too rigorous. A woman can join the U.S Navy Seals, but she can't be a combatant, because the training is too rigorous to handle." "So also a man can't give birth to children, and a man can never ever knit as well as a woman. Women are the best doctors on earth, in fact research shows that there are more female doctors than male doctors. A man can never maintain perfect records like a woman does, because men are headliners, while women are detailers."
This time, i had caught the attention of the driver. He spoke: "Very true. You hit the bulls-eye bro". We all laughed, and moments later, i alighted at the library location.
Two things i gained from that brief exchange: one, some African men are not enlightened. They have this mindset that women belong to the kitchen, they believe women should handle domestic chores and 'be put in their place'. This is male chauvinism in its highest form. Women are above domestic chores, they are human beings too, and they are very, very capable of handling things as much as anyone can. Women should not be relegated to a particular profession, or a particular segment of the economy. Women should not be denigrated in any way or in any manner.
Secondly, some African women are also not enlightened. They are also feminists who believe that women should have equal rights in all areas; advocating for gender equality.
This is where gender fairness should come in. For the sake of this article, let me state the clear differences between gender equality and gender fairness. Gender equality also known as sexual equality or equality of the sexes, is the state of equal ease of access to resources and opportunities regardless of gender, including economic participation and decision-making; and the state of valuing different behaviors, aspirations and needs equally, regardless of gender.
Gender fairness is the fair treatment of men and women, presenting fair and civil treatment to both genders, worldwide. However, the crux of the matter is where the definitions are blurred in between feminism and chauvinism.
Feminists have to understand that there are certain limits to what a woman CAN and CAN NOT DO. Women play football, but not as much as their male counterparts. Women are soldiers, but are not sent to the battlefronts because of the rugged, rigorous duties of warfare. They can't keep up because it's not in their nature to do extreme physical activities. I'm not saying women can't do any physical activity, i'm saying they can't undertake extreme physical training's designed for the military.
Chauvinists also have to understand that females need to be treated FAIRLY in all facets of life. They need to understand that our genders are a core part of our identity. They need to understand that a society without discrimination against the opposite gender, is a society on the road to greatness. Fair treatment should be taught in schools, in all areas and regions of the world. We assume roles in our relationships based on what we have learned about women and men, mothers and fathers, females and males. So people should be taught about these things, to encourage a positive mindset amongst the future generations.
Traditions, socio-cultural groups should also adopt gender fairness, because women are very special individuals. Women should not be abused, degraded or relegated to the background. Men shouldn't always act superior in every issue or every matter that arises in the society. There are certain times a woman's touch is required to enable things go smoothly.
Finally, our genders are the nucleus of our existence as human beings. It shapes our aspirations, our social interactions, our understanding about what our life is about.We must treat each other fairly; not just fair treatment for the women, but for men also.
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